Zeusblog

It’ll be interesting to see what happens on the AndyMurrayOMeter this weekend. It will certainly be more interesting than the tennis, that’s for sure. As I write this, it stands at him being 88% British. You’d assume that if he wins the Australian Open in Melbourne, his Britishness score will rise, but I’m not sure. We do like a plucky loser, so it would be more British for him to fail (remember Tiger Tim?). But then again, if he loses, we can all disown him as a sulky Scot…

Feeling very pleased with myself for finding the g-spot, I got to wondering which other problems the iPhone could solve for me. I tapped the maps app and searched for the answer.

Whatever your problem, the answer, as you can see below, lies on Long Lane between Addiscombe and Beckenham, just south of Penge. Which makes a lot of sense to anyone who works in advertising, because whenever we talk about market research we say, “Let’s see what the housewives in Penge think”

You may have seen the stories recently of photographers being hassled by police for taking pictures of St.Pauls Cathedral or of other public buildings. Well I’ve recently become interested in photography and have taken to wandering the streets with a camera in my pocket like some kind of overgrown art student. I haven’t been arrested yet, but was asked by a policewoman as to the purpose of a photo I was taking (of a car that had had its roof cut off by firemen - nothing gory, just the car) so I’m thinking of getting one of those little badges that say “I’m a photographer not a terrorist”. The group that makes them is having a demo in Trafalgar Square on 23rd January and I’m contemplating joining in. I think it will be interesting to see (photography joke coming up…) how many of this flashmob will use available light.

http://PhotographerNotaTerrorist.org/2009/12/mass-photo-gathering/

Later on in the month there’s another interesting demonstration. At 10:23am on January 30th, more than 300 homeopathy sceptics nationwide will be taking part in a mass ‘homeopathic overdose’ in branches of Boots. The point they’re making is that the homeopathic pills that Boots give credibility to by stocking are both ineffective and harmless. There’s lots more on the silliness that is homeopathy at http://www.1023.org.uk/

Wow! This is what it must have been like in the sixties - c’mon everyone, let’s all take photos and sugar pills and stick it to the man!

There’s been a lot of speculation recently as to whether the g-spot actually exists. And although it sounds like the sort of research drunken scientists would dream about getting funding for, some scientists did (forgive the pun) look into this subject, and they concluded that it doesn’t. Lots of women (and their partners) said it did.

So who’s right? I decided there was only one way to find out. That’s right - with my iPhone.

I looked up g-spot on maps, and it does exist! As you can see, it’s just off the Strand, opposite Charing Cross Station. 

When I was at school, we had an english teacher, Mr. Patrick, who is memorable to me for three things.

1. “Bah! Cut the cackle!” was how he got us to be quiet.

2. He used to set us the task of copying out  a page of text. If we made a mistake, we had to start again from the beginning. This was a very frustrating task for us, as the more you wrote correctly, the more tense you would become about making mistakes, and so the more likely you were to make one. It was great for him though, allowing him to sit and read instead of having to try and get through to us troublesome schoolboys.

3. He used the Readers Digest “It pays to increase your word power” tests in class. These were 20 words, each with three possible definitions. It was a great way to improve your vocabulary.

Another great way to improve your vocabulary is to read anything by Will Self. I used to get annoyed by his use of obscure words, but now find the need to have a dictionary alongside amusing. This morning I was reading his book ‘Liver’ on the tube. Obviously I had no dictionary to hand, so I noted down some words that I needed to look up when I got into the office. At the risk of ridicule (I am a copywriter, so I should know loads of words) I’m listing them below. All nine were on just two pages of ‘Liver’. See how many you know. 

i. Moloch
ii. Gehenna
iii. jejeune
iv. dropsical
v. chthonic
vi. porphyritic
vii. necrotic
viii. lubricious
ix. frowsty

Answers tomorrow.