Zeusblog

In the past, we may have expressed the opinion that men with beards were wierd and obviously using their facial hair as a mask behind which they were attempting to hide some deep psychological flaw.

We now know that not only are beard-wearers actually at the cutting edge of coolness, they are also the epitome of manliness.

Furthermore, with a beard, you look the same when standing on your head.

Apart from the disinterested staff at IKEA Brent Park (although to be fair they’re not Swedish), what’s not to like about Sweden and the Swedes?

There’s Abba, Olof Mellberg, my new Peak Performance Air Down Jacket, stunning blondes, the Scandinavian Kitchen on Great Titchfield Street, Smorgesbord, the Swedish Chefs from the Muppets, herring, gravadlax, meatballs, rally drivers called Stig, lots of crazily-named and odd-tasting confectionery such as Plop chocolate, Spunk liquorice, Skum bananas, Bumlingerer sweets, and of course, the reason why I’m writing this… Saab.

Ever since I went to the Motor Show at the NEC as a schoolboy and stroked the spoiler of a black Saab 900 turbo… well, no, it started before that – when the Saab Viggen was the only plane worthy of two airfix models hanging from cotton on my bedroom ceiling – all the rest, even the awesome MCDonnell Douglas Phantom F4 and the fantastic Catalina seaplane were limited to one. The Saab Viggen had not one but TWO sets of delta wings – an extra tiny set at the front that set it apart as something esoteric, exotic, and exciting to a Birmingham schoolboy who dreamt of becoming a pilot (a plan which fell by the wayside once I grew past six foot two, and became too tall for ejector seats).

So when the time came to get a sensible and safe family car, there was only one choice: a Saab 9-3S – silver with the coolest 5-spoke alloy wheels – happy days.

Happy days, anyway, until last week when the steering creak on my nearly nine year old Saab was diagnosed as the steering rack becoming detached from the bulkhead. The thought of the best part of a grand to make it roadworthy again put me right off my herrings I can tell you.

And then the service manager at Ballards of Finchley rang to say “Saab have agreed to fix it for you.”  Now that’s what I call customer service. I might even have express my appreciation by sending some Plop to head office.

And when I dropped it off this morning (after a very satisfactory Saab moment of driving effortlessly up the extremely icy hill that I live at the bottom of past an abandoned Merc and a stationary but wheel-spinning jag) I was given a complimentary cab to the tube station! Saab and the Swedish nation rocks!

Chalky

One of the best things about living in Britain is the weather. If we lived in Los Angeles we’d have 80 degrees sunshine for most of the year and we’d take no notice of the weather. A little bit of sunshine wouldn’t even be a talking point, let alone the cue for the whole country to start wearing inappropriate vests and shorts, and for every office worker in London to head for Soho Square and strip off to sunbathe.

Likewise, if we lived in mainland Europe or Scandinavia, one snowfall wouldn’t bring the country to a shuddering standstill. That’s what’s happened this morning. My trusty Brompton is no match for 6 inches of snow, the tube is mostly suspended, all buses have been removed from service and trying to drive is just asking for trouble. I live at the bottom of a hill and I remember last time it snowed watching a particularly stupid woman sliding all over the place as her wheels were whizzing round at about 50 mph while the car slid sideways. She gave up and we nearly crashed our car laughing when she gave up, climbed out, and stood – in her stilettos! – puzzled as to why her four wheel drive couldn’t get her up the hill. We sailed by in our front wheel drive car that we weren’t revving the nuts off.

View from my home office window

Which is a roundabout way of saying that our W1 office won’t be open today, and we’ll be working from our Pinner and Finchley branches i.e. from home. Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, we will be able to pick up and respond to email, and the office phone will put you through to one of our mobiles. So if you’re working today, you’ll still be able to reach us, and if you can get away with it, have fun sledging!

Finchley Wonderland

Chalky